wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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