I heard we made out
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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