we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
