Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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