I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
