shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
