I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
