bring money and cleavage
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
