i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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