my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
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He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
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God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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