Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize