i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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