i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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