Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
