i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
