i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
