my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize