i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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