Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Randomize
