my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
