Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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