he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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