does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
