she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
