drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
