But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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