tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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