I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
