i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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