You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
