At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
