need another drink. this is the easiest way
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize