Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
