apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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