I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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