3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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