The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm too high and old for this...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
