I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
