My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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