seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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