i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Randomize
