I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
