The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
