So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
