What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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