remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
