I met the friendliest cop last night
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
