My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century