I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president