I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
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I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
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Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher