I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
