yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
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As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
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I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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