well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
