He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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