Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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