ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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