So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
