you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Two words: nipple clamps
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