Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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