the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
