...so i touched it.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
