mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Houston, we have a squirter
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
