I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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