Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
