i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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