the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
