what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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