Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
